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President Biden Signs Executive Order to Map the A and B buttons to Same Place on All Controllers

Jul 31, 2023

WASHINGTON — In response to complaints from American gamers, President Biden has signed a new executive order requiring all video game companies to map the A and B buttons the same way on their controllers.

“Everywhere from Iowa to California and beyond, we’ve seen gamers suffer under confusing control schemes that ultimately mean the same thing. Today, we take a first step toward ending that practice,” said Biden during the signing ceremony in the Oval Office. “We all know which button should be A and which button should be B. It’s just common sense.”

Republicans spoke out against the order, claiming it was an example of government overreach.

“It’s laws like this one that stifle innovation. I mean, first you tell Nintendo to swap ‘A’ and ‘B’ so they’re not backwards anymore, then what’s next? Making it so Bowser is gay?” said Speaker of the House Kevin McCarthy. “We simply can’t allow our children to be exposed to more logical control schemes and gay Bowser. That’s not what this country is about.”

Biden also received criticism from the left, with activists claiming his order didn’t go far enough to improve the lives of gamers.

“I agree with the order, don’t get me wrong. It’s definitely more than previous presidents have done. But it’s a shame to see Biden pander to gaming corporations by limiting the scope to two buttons,” said DSA member Alana Vega. “Every controller has four buttons arranged the same way. Why are they labeled differently? Why do Nintendo and Xbox have this weird ‘mirror image’ thing going on? Why does PlayStation use shapes? What are we, toddlers?”

Within five minutes of the signing, a federal judge in Mississippi had already declared the order unconstitutional, setting up a Supreme Court battle for next year.

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